Over the course of my life, I have struggled with self worth and finding my identity. I have overcome abuse in pretty much every way it can been handed out. I'm struggling now with where to begin this story telling. I just know that it needs to be shared. Not only to help my continued growth but to help others find the courage to begin their own. No matter where I will choose to begin, keep in mind that isn't where I am now. Let that be the encouraging part of all of this. I'm not where I want to be either, but I'd happily stay here for awhile, which is a good thing. A resting place was never something I had. My life has been in survival mode a majority of the time. I suffer with PTSD and I am still pretty skittish when it comes to trusting people. That may be a lifelong journey for me. But.....I no longer have thoughts of ending things. That's a good thing for sure because there were many times in my past where that felt like a much better option than remaining where I was. Through all the hurt and pain, I also have never given up on love and I have not allowed it all to scorn me and make me bitter. That, I'm extremely proud of. Not sure I am fully aware of why that is, but I do know It keeps me grounded and optimistic, which has definitely been a blessing.  A large majority of my life has been traveled alone. The people that came and went, only came to cause more pain. That was seemingly all I attracted. I felt broken inside. I felt so unworthy to even be loved. That was something that was instilled into my very being from quite a young age. I didn't come from a place of encouragement at all. I was put down and pushed down my entire childhood. But I never chose to become a victim of circumstances. Instead I became stronger and stronger. weakness was never an option for me. Hell, emotions were a frowned upon thing in my home. Where If I were to cry, I'd be made fun of. Told I was a baby and overly sensitive, which provoked me to stuff my emotions. When I first began this healing journey, I had no idea what my feelings even were or how to show my emotions. Showing them to others was a very hard thing for me. And to be honest I still have my moments. It became so hard that on the rare occasions people did get to witness me cry, They didn't even know how to act. They would be uncomfortable which made me feel that much more uncomfortable. I had to unravel and decipher everything about myself, which has been a process I have done completely alone. In isolation. I never shared any of it until about 3 years ago. I suddenly realized, that in sharing my trauma, Things that have happened to me were not in vain. And it all had a reason. To make that positive change in the world around me. To possibly touch others in a profound enough way, that they feel hope in their own situations. If one person can begin their healing journey by listening to mine. It's all been worth it to me.